What I have learned through out the first half of my life.

 I love to preach to everyone that comes within my reach, my siblings my girlfriend my friends my son, and people who I just meet. I go all out especially if I see that they become interested in what I am saying but I hate to be interrupted I don't want to listen to what others have to say because I feel like it is a complete waste of my time. I would just think to myself why does this person talk so much garbage and why am I listening to this. not to be rude I would sometimes patiently wait and then would reply with a totally different subject from the one they were talking about. I may have developed this early in my childhood because as far back as I can remember I was always the center of attention. I wanted all the attention and I usually got it one way or another.   Fortunately enough for those people that I annoyed talking so much shit is that I also developed the habit of shutting down and just not say anything to the closest people around me. So that saved them from my ser

Oh, Alcohol such sweetness such good times, and many more to come. Why can't I enjoy you as I see others do! Why do you pull me back in after so many years of having left you behind? Why do I feel like I need a shot to be able to socialize and mingle amongst friends? Is it because you enhance my senses that I feel that I'm invincible?  Am I the only one who notices how much better sex feels when having a drink especially a whiskey? I left you once and I don't think I can leave you again even though you cause me so much harm. I offend whoever it is that I have an indifference with. I say things I don't want to say and I wake up not knowing what I did or how much I money spent the night before. Oh, sweet alcohol I am in love with you but at the same time, I despise you!

 Being afraid has been part of my daily life from the time I wake up to the last millisecond that I lay awake. I believe that I have tried many things to combat that fear and I can tell you it has not gone away. I feel that writing and meditating when my mind let me are the most effective methods for me to do away with some of my fears. So what am I afraid of slamming doors, criticism, or what people say about me drinking alcohol, loud screaming coming from others failure even though I've failed a thousand times. I am afraid of some of my siblings and my dad when he was alive. fear that when driving I may crash or when going down the stairs I may bend an ankle or miss a step and fall. I believe this is a disability that most of us struggle with during our life my objective is to overcome this dreadful disease and through these posts, I am going to achieve it.