What I have learned through out the first half of my life.

 When alive we can never say that if we had done things differently we would have gotten a different outcome. Dad fell ill and all I can think at the time was should we just let him lie here against his will and watch him die. Or should I try to convince the rest of the family to consider moving him to a different clinic? I am pretty sure that most of us have faced similar situations in our lifetime. But the sad reality of all this is that when dealing with parents we are pretty much helpless when it comes to making them keep a doctor's appointment. My dad had a heart condition and he did make lots of changes to control his insulin, cholesterol, and blood pressure. But he missed the most important details which were the signals of a faltering artery or his low blood glucose dropping at night. During his last few days alive he encountered some mild chest pains which he ignored telling my brothers and his wife that it was gastritis, which lasted for two to three days until my younges

Do I feel better without drinking alcohol?  Do I feel better while drinking alcohol? These are two questions I struggle with on a daily basis.

  What is it?  What do we know about it? How to diagnose it? What to do if we suffer from it? Questions are pretty much all we have about this subject. I have never been diagnosed with Depression but I am pretty sure I suffer from it. What makes me say such a thing? I spend most of my days stuck in my thoughts, those repetitive ones that accompany us for many years without us realizing that they're the same thoughts from 1985. Now is this depression? I can get up fine but with just one lousy comment from my siblings or my day can spiral into chaos. Is this Depression? I can go to work and everything is a-ok one thing that goes wrong my day was worthless and I will probably hide in my house thinking about the problem. Is this Depression? I can write a text message to someone they do not answer back that would probably tell my mind that I am worthless and that no one loves me. Is this Depression? So many questions so few answers.

 Pretty funny how most of my family from my dad's side are lifelong sufferers of diabetes. I came across Diabetes when I was about 29 years old. I started to notice a need to frequently have to Pee even when Driving I would have to pull over and Pee in the middle of the street. I was dehydrated all the time and I had this Itch on my Penis that would not go away but I did not notice or diagnosed it as a symptom of Diabetes until the day came when I get up and my wife says to me wow I think I will have to get you some Pampers. I looked at her and I felt the wet Mattress under me I had Pissed on myself while in bed. I made a Doctor's appointment worried about my condition he immediately knew that it was Diabetes. so he pricks my finger and it read 700. He immediately said to me that he had to call an Ambulance and that I was way above the normal results which are 99 for non-diabetics and 120 for pre-diabetics. I said that I was ok aside from the Peeing and the Itch he replied that

 During the days of Covid, we were all trying not to get the virus. We used to monitor ourselves paying attention to the cough, fever, and other symptoms that according to the news and doctors we were to look out for. I did not get the virus until January 2021 not that I went to the doctor or got tested but I did get the no smell symptom. And as far I am concerned I have never felt that way before so I am pretty sure it was the virus. it only lasted about six days and everything went back to normal except for one thing my Memory. I am having difficulties remembering names, and things to pick up at the supermarket. But most annoying is when I see a person and there is something I have to say to that person and I just can't remember no matter how hard I try. I'm also 51 years old and age definitely plays its part in all of this. I mean maybe it isn't Covid after all.

 In the search for happiness, we are always thinking of how to stop doing things we think make us feel bad about ourselves. We quit smoking because we may have noticed that it really does not make us feel any better about ourselves. But after doing so we then notice that maybe just maybe we felt better when we were smoking. Examples like these are an everyday thing for some of us who struggle to find meaning in what exactly is that we are supposed to do to be happier. The thing here is that we actually want to remember how we felt when we were smoking. And compare that feeling to the feeling that we are feeling now that we're not.