What I have learned through out the first half of my life.

What is it that makes us feel confident? is it how we dress? is it our looks? is it how we smell? is it the car we drive? or the house/apartment we live in? our educational background? the amount of money we carry in our pockets? Whatever it is I know that I'm not self-confident. I am always second-guessing everything I do. I think before I am stepping out the door what will my neighbor think when she sees me. I think when I am about to walk into a bank what is the teller going to think of the way I am dressed. I think before I go into the supermarket the cashiers are going to notice how much weight I have gained. Why can't I act like a normal human being?   On a daily basis, I have to tell myself to get out there and step into the world and face these debilitating fears. Not to mention that now that I am getting older it just seems to be getting worse. This is my number one self-limiting factor. Caring for what other people think how do we get that annoying thought in our hea

 What I am experiencing today while trying to come up with a subject to write about. I start finish check it and draft it is not good enough is what I tell myself. I start again and after writing a few lines I erase everything. It's not that I don't have a subject to write about it's also not that I don't want to write. Actually, there hasn't been a day that I can remember trying so hard to get something written. I want to discipline myself to write every single day and the only way I will do it is by writing. So why can't I get something written that I feel comfortable with? the answer is sleep. I slept very little last night and that is what is causing my mind to not think clearly. If I could get enough of it, I would be unstoppable. We don't realize how important sleep is to our productivity and well-being. I have spent hours on and off just to get these few words written but I said that I would and I did.

  I said that I'd write every day. And believe me, this is not taking all the effort in the world to type these words down. But if I had left it up to my mind and its negative outlook I would probably spend the day staring at a computer screen just like I have done so for the last five days. I have been experiencing low self-esteem as of late. I am blaming it on my weight gain and this Appetite that I have that just does not go away. My excuse is that I gave up Smoking so in return, i am granting myself up to three meals in a single sit down. It has caused me to gain a few pounds but the real problem lies within the habit, not the actual weight. I am actually enjoying these monstrous binges very much even though I am seeing my waist increase in inches by the day. Today I am starting a low-carb diet which I have done before and I lost over 100 lbs. The Tim Ferris 4-hour body helped me to understand weight loss a few years back. And I was able to keep the weight off for many years. B

  Being born in 1970 has given me the opportunity to be a part of history in many ways. Let me start by pointing out that we will never again witness anything like what we have witnessed during the decades of 1970,80,90,00. I arrived in Brooklyn, New York in 1975 my mom and dad had an apartment on south 4th st. between Bedford and Driggs in Williamsburgh. The neighborhood was about 70 percent burned down with buildings, gangs, and drug spots everywhere. We would visit family and friends on south 2nd st. next to the fire department. They lived in a building that had one of the most notorious Drug spots at the time. We had to ask for permission from the dealers to allow us to go up to the apartment.  The neighborhood was divided into Italians on the north side. Hassidic when you went across division ave. and 70 % Puerto Rican and the rest mixed with Dominicans and South Americans making up the other 30% in the heart of Williamsburgh. Just like everything else in this blog we will grow in

  Being born a boy or a girl isn't our fault. I do not know many people in my life that have experienced such an ordeal. I was born according to my Birth Certificate on November 03, 1970. My mom became pregnant in the united states but for unknown reasons, she traveled to the Dominican Republic and gave birth to me. I can not say what was her reaction when she saw that I was a boy. But for me, it was the beginning of what would be a life full of suffering.  Not to mention that I already had an older sister Jackie who was also partially given away. But Mom's rage was mostly against boys.   My mom did not want me she did not want boys so I was given away to my godparents.  They raised me until I was five years old at which age my Dad started the process of taking me to the United States. 

 When alive we can never say that if we had done things differently we would have gotten a different outcome. Dad fell ill and all I can think at the time was should we just let him lie here against his will and watch him die. Or should I try to convince the rest of the family to consider moving him to a different clinic? I am pretty sure that most of us have faced similar situations in our lifetime. But the sad reality of all this is that when dealing with parents we are pretty much helpless when it comes to making them keep a doctor's appointment. My dad had a heart condition and he did make lots of changes to control his insulin, cholesterol, and blood pressure. But he missed the most important details which were the signals of a faltering artery or his low blood glucose dropping at night. During his last few days alive he encountered some mild chest pains which he ignored telling my brothers and his wife that it was gastritis, which lasted for two to three days until my younges